We made it to the end of my month of acceptance. Thank GOODNESS!! February clearly tested me in ways I did not see coming – which, of course, is a lesson in acceptance itself. I left New York questioning if love exists, wondering if maybe some people just aren’t built for it. I was let down by people I counted on. I got tired of being the one always showing up first, always giving first, always extending love first, only to be left drained and wondering what’s the f*cking point.
But I had to remind myself that love is not a transaction. As we learned in January from my wonderful grandmother, you can’t expect love in return. It must be given freely, without conditions. And that can be challenging; I had to sit with it, let it burn a little, and eventually accept it. But acceptance doesn’t mean settling. It also doesn’t mean tolerating less than I deserve.
So, I made a choice: to love differently. To love smarter. To love myself first.
Stepping off the grid has been a gift. No distractions, no endless scrolling, no display of my life for people who barely care. My travels are now mine completely. And yes, it means I have to be extra careful as a solo female traveler because, for the first time, no one on a platform knows where I am. But that’s part of the beauty: I’m not publishing my life. I’m living it. And it’s been beautiful to see the people who truly care still find a way to check in.
A few years ago, someone I consider a soulmate told me, "Find your tribe." And I thought I had. But maybe I cast the net too wide and offered seats too freely. So I scaled back. I stopped reaching out to anyone — and suddenly, it became crystal clear who noticed. And let’s just say that the list is tight now. But I love that for me.
While in India, I kept asking people what they think love is. The word that came up again and again was “mutual.” That really resonated with me at a time when I felt betrayed by love. Love — real love — isn’t a one-way street. If someone is inherently selfish, they simply don’t have the capacity to love. If they thrive on drama, that’s not love either. Love should be peace.
And then it hit me: why was I measuring love by what I received from others? Why was I letting other people’s inability to show up for me make me question if I’m lovable? That’s some bullshit. I give a lot of love…or like, whatever the hell that even means. But before anything else, I need to give it to myself. Because I’m the only person who will be with me every single second of my life. That’s a love story worth investing in.
Ultimately, this month has taught me that self-acceptance is the root of it all. And with self-acceptance comes self-worth. Because I’m a f*cking badass. I deserve to be treated well. And if someone can’t meet me with that same energy, I don’t have space for them. Period. Byron Katie says in Loving What Is, "When you argue with reality, you lose — but only 100% of the time." So, I’m working to stop arguing. I’ve stopped demanding love in places where it wasn’t freely given. And with that, the weight has started to lift.
The last couple of weeks have surprised me in the best ways. I’ve met incredible people who give genuine love and care freely – not because they expect something in return, but because that’s just who they are. And suddenly, it doesn’t feel exhausting for me to give it back. It’s actually been really easy. And exciting! The more I accept things as they are, the more unexpected love shows up.
But honestly, acceptance is still a work in progress for me. I don't think I've COMPLETELY failed at this February and acceptance, because I’ve realized I’m actually pretty damn good at accepting people. I see them, flaws and all, and embrace them. I could even write a dissertation defending the people who’ve hurt me because I genuinely understand where they’re coming from. But concepts still piss me off. And RULES? F*ck rules. Like losing my liquids at airport security because my perfectly legal one-liter bag wasn’t "trustworthy" enough for them. Do I accept it? Begrudgingly. Do I love it? Absolutely not.
Well, we don’t have to love or accept concepts. But we must accept people. And real acceptance isn’t passive. It’s not just tolerance. It’s seeing someone fully and choosing to celebrate them. And maybe that also means accepting that some people simply don’t have the capacity to love you. And that’s okay. Because YOU have the capacity to love you! And you’re f*cking awesome! You are the most important person in your life!
So, after a deeply healing time in India, I’ve landed in Nepal, where people move through life with an effortless sense of acceptance. I’m excited for some nature, for more adventures ahead, for the next chapter of love I’ll explore. And I’ll continue hiding from social media – for now, or maybe forever. Because maybe the best way to truly connect is to disconnect.
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