A new year is upon us! I absolutely LOVE New Year's. It’s hands-down my favorite holiday. Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for reflection, or maybe it’s the promise of a clean slate and all the things to look forward to.
I could write a whole book about 2024. (And who knows? Maybe one day I will.) Though my depression screamed loudly at times, I still had an amazing year. I thought about doing a reflective recap, just like everyone else on Instagram, but frankly I think you have better things to do than read about the past in this space.
That said, I will share one insight from this past year: in life, it’s important to stay open. To ensure that you’re not blocking yourself from receiving, even if it feels uncomfy at first. Because life has a way of surprising you, and you never know who or what may come your way when you let it.
Anyway, that’s all I’ll say about 2024. And now onward to bigger and better things!
I’ve set three goals for 2025:
Explore
Love better
Write more
Let’s tackle these slightly out of order because I’ve never been one to follow the rules (plus, life isn’t exactly linear).
Goal 1: Explore
This one’s a given. I’m endlessly curious. I fully allow my mind and body to wander and question freely, about places, people, and whatever’s hiding behind the “Do Not Enter” door. And after spending the past year largely rooted in one part of the world (even with the amount of travel I’ve done here), I’m itching to stretch my wings and expand my horizons.
For me, travel isn’t just about seeing new places; it’s about stepping outside my own head and into another reality. It’s about the thrill of connection, the beauty of discovery, and the occasional disaster that becomes a story you tell for years. The world is vast, fleeting, and heartbreakingly beautiful - how could I NOT want to explore it?!?
Goal 3: Write More
Writing has become my way of making sense of the chaos - both within me and around me. It’s deeply personal, often cathartic, and yeah, sometimes cringey. Am I any good at it? I have no f*cking clue. But I do love it, and that’s reason enough to keep going.
After publishing a book, I worried I’d feel like I’d hit a creative finish line. But I’ve learned that writing isn’t about one big moment; it’s about showing up again and again, and finding new ways to tell your story. This blog is my way of doing that - continuing to process, connect, and maybe even inspire someone who stumbles across my words. Or accidentally irritate them. Either way, I’m here for all the feelings. They remind us we’re alive.
Goal 2: Love Better
And now for the tricky one: love.
Love has always been a bit of a puzzle to me. It’s a word that we toss around easily and yet struggle to define. We feel it, but we do it. It’s there, but we search for it. We’re told it’s just within us, but we call it “complicated”. We’re worthy of it, and yet we often feel unworthy. So, what the f*ck is it?!
I’ve been trying to figure it out forever! There are a few clear moments in my life when I’ve been certain I feel it. And moments when I could confidently say, “This is certainly not love.”
Growing up, love wasn’t unconditional; it was transactional, manipulative, and often weaponized. Then, theater became my first real love guru - showing me that love is messy and raw and real and painfully beautiful. Then came the toxic societal messages: Disney fairytales, rom-coms, and a culture that equates your worth with whether or not you have a partner - especially if you’re a woman. It’s a lot to unlearn.
Over the years, I’ve worked tirelessly to redefine love for myself. I’ve healed parts of my inner child and learned to love myself with the intensity I once craved from others. That’s the most important person to love. After all, in the words of our mother, Rupaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how the heeeellll are you gonna love anybody else?” And honestly I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
But here’s the thing: in learning to love myself, I’ve started to wonder if I’ve done the best job of loving others. I think people might be surprised to hear that, because I’m a person who has a lot to give (and gives often). I try to lead with love at my helm. However, I’m not perfect. I can be impatient, inconsistent, and, let’s be honest, sometimes a little selfish. And at times, I struggle to give love freely, without strings or expectations, especially if I do want some love in return. But that’s not how real love works…right?
So I want to change that. I want to love better - not only to deepen my relationships and allow me to empathize more with others, but because I suspect it might help me love myself a little more, too.
2025: A Year-Long Exploration of Love
So…here it is! I’m dedicating 2025 to figuring out what the f*ck love really is.
This isn’t about romance or self-help clichés (we have enough of that). It’s about love in its rawest, most universal forms: kindness, sacrifice, affection, gratitude, surrender, trust. I want to know what love means to different people, how it’s expressed across cultures, and why we make it so f*cking complicated.
Here’s the plan: I’ll be traveling and exploring the world, talking to strangers, and asking questions that don’t have easy answers. Everyone in the world has their own definition of love - but is there a throughline that connects us all? Maybe! Maybe not! I’ll also be focusing on one universal aspect of love each month, dissecting what they mean and why they’re important. I’ll document the journey here, and maybe a few other places - sharing stories, reflections, and whatever lessons I uncover along the way.
I’m not an expert. I don’t have a PhD in love or a foolproof guide to fix your relationships. I’m just a b*tch with a lot of questions, a healthy dose of curiosity, and a willingness to learn.
Join My Love Party!
I think it could be fun to build a little community around this! Selfishly, it may also help to hold me accountable to stick to my year-long exploration without giving up. Maybe you’re a pro at love - amazing! Teach me what you know. Or maybe, like me, you’re full of questions and contradictions. If you’ve ever felt like love is confusing, overwhelming, or just plain weird, you’re not alone. We can figure it out together.
Follow this blog to join me on this adventure - a year-long dive into the heart of what makes us human. It’s going to be messy, eye-opening, and maybe even transformative. Or it’ll be a total disaster. Either way, it’ll be worth it.
Let’s see where this journey takes us.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I love you all, by the way.
(...or do I? Do I really know what that means yet?! I guess we’ll find out!!)
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